By Mike Myers
Hey, everyone, this is Ben — and I’m Alex — and our daddy is too busy trying to figure out which games have been canceled to notice that we’ve gotten a hold of his laptop computer so we can play cool games, so we thought we could help dad out by writing his column this week. Dad always says people like reading stuff we write more than the boring things he puts in the paper.
That’s right, Ben, and we’ve got plenty to write about in our post-Christmas wrap-up article. Santa Claus was very good to us, so we must have been good last year, right?
Well, I KNOW I was good last year, but I’m not so sure about you. Actually big brother, I think I just brought you along for the ride as far landing on the good list.
Hey, we both got plenty of good toys and other stuff. But I think all little boys and girls will be lucky to get toys next year, whether they’re good or not.
How so?
Dad said something the other day about, with all the new security measures, Santa might have to pass through customs next year, and well, he may be too big for something called a “full body scanner” or whatever that is. And the reindeer definitely won’t be able to get in because of their big horns, and presents can’t be counted as carry on bags.
And you know, Alex, they might even make Santa explain how he gets his sleigh and the reindeer to fly. I mean, to you and me and at least five new movies every Christmas, a load full of toys in a sleigh being pulled by gravity-defying animals makes perfect sense — okay, a load full of toys no matter what it’s doing makes perfect sense to us — but to an adult who doesn’t understand Santa like kids do, it might be suspicious.
Also, they might say that big belt buckle he wears could be used as a weapon. Actually, Santa could be a weapon if he fell over on top of you.
Ben, please, be nice to Santa, he’s the one who brings the toys, remember?
Oops, looks like I start the new year off on the bad list. Guess I’ve got some work to do.
You know, Rudolph might have trouble too.
Really, Alex?
Well, yeah, how’s he going to explain that nose that lights up? It might be a signal to terrorists. But I’ve got a solution to that problem.
Please, Alex, tell me what it is.
Santa could deliver his presents during the day. Then Rudolph could turn his nose off, everyone could see that Santa isn’t a threat, and we wouldn’t have to go to bed and miss him coming down the chimney.
Way to go Alex, I think you saved Christmas.
Ben, do you think, then, that I will get presents this Christmas whether I’m good or not?
You’re not that lucky, big brother.
Ben and Alex Myers are the sons of Assistant Sports Editor Mike Myers. They don’t have e-mail addresses, yet.
