October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. So, I want to share some things that breast cancer patients and really, all cancer patients and those who love them need to know. We’ll call it a wish-list.

1. Cancer patients need to know that cancer is a great equalizer. It knows no boundaries; it is not prejudiced toward or against any ethnic, economic, or social structure. It doesn’t care who you are or who you know. Cancer patients are not alone in their diagnosis, treatment, or experiences.

2. Cancer patients need support. Many family members and friends tell the patient, “If you need anything, just call me.” They sincerely mean it and they want to help. But, the thing is, the patient doesn’t want to be a burden anymore than they have to be and they probably won’t call. So, what can family or friends do? Just show up — bring a dust rag, a broom and some elbow grease. Or, bring a hot meal so the cancer patient and the immediate family won’t have to cook or buy it. Call and check on the patient — you don’t have to keep them long — just see if they need something that day. . . a run to the pharmacy, pick up or drop off dry cleaning. Are you going to the grocery store? Offer to get some things for the patient so they won’t have to get out when they may not feel up to it. Send notes or cards — promising to pray — then do it!

3. Cancer patients need time to mourn. The diagnosis and treatment can be overwhelming. Friends and family need to understand that the patient’s grouchy attitude and critical remarks are not reflective on their love and concern for you, whom they deeply care for. You may have interrupted an internal dialogue or meditation about the disease, mental exercises to get past the medical issues they are facing, or just some efforts to relax amidst all the changes. Your request for missing socks or help finding misplaced papers just might be the catalyst to bring out the grouchies in the patient. You could look for the socks or the papers but Mom is usually the one to find those things because she knows to look beneath the top layer of stuff to find the misplaced items. Try it!

4. The cancer patient needs understanding. Cancer is an invasive enemy. Just the word produces fear. This enemy has wreaked havoc on an otherwise healthy body. There may not even be any symptoms or very few when the diagnosis is made. It is a shock to the mind and the emotions as the upheaval of a normal life quickly progresses to a life on the road — doctors, hospitals, clinics. Then there is the medical invasion — tests, needles, machines, strangers poking and prodding; there is a quick loss of modesty as nothing is hidden from the view of the health care professionals, the various sensors of machines and the sting of needles.

5. The cancer patient needs friends and family to stay in touch. The need for support and love does not end with the first few days or weeks. Cancer treatment takes months. Don’t lose touch with your friend or family member. A card or call two or three months from diagnosis will mean just as much if not more than one sent soon after diagnosis. Don’t worry about not knowing what to say. Just knowing you care will bring joy and peace to the cancer patient.

6. Cancer patients need answers. They need to know how to make the right inquiries, where to find the answers. All the literature patients are given can be an overload. Read what you want to read — what pertains to you. Digest that before taking on something else. It’s helpful to make notes when consulting with health care professionals that you can refer to. If you forget something or need clarification, use that telephone. Someone will assist you in finding what you need.

These are just some of the things on a cancer patient’s “wish list.” I talked to oncology nurses, cancer patients and used my own experiences to make this list. If you know someone with cancer, look over the list again and see how you might be able to make a difference in a friend’s life.

n Cyndi Pratt is circulation bookkeeper at the Washington Times-Herald. She is a 15 year survivor of breast cancer and has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer again. She says, “God is on my side. Going through cancer diagnosis and treatment is just a speed bump, it may slow me down for a bit, but it’s not going to stop me.”